Spiritual Sovereignty
Implementing this new perspective of looking at my life as the observer and noticing I had multiple way to respond to the experiences I was having, provided a sense of relief & inner peace.
For example, before my dad passed away from cancer, I was requested to help the live in caregiver.
I lived 3 hours away and at first felt resentful because he rarely went out of his way to be there for me as a child.
I was having a hard time processing this request. When I agreed, I was able to shift my perspective to enjoy the long drive and have that time for myself. Instead of feeling annoyed, I was grateful to play backgammon and just chat with my dad even though his dementia made it hard to have flowing conversations. I would sing chants and ask him to send me signs from the other side to help prepare his transition. So then when his time did come, the peace and love that I was expressing towards him kept flowing through me even though his body was no longer here.
The Recognition of choice.
Previously feeling sorry for myself, not wanting to keep living without Mykel, struggling financially, emotionally and mentally was the only way I knew. I feared death, and anything that was unfamiliar. I avoided people and situations that would make me uncomfortable or trigger anxiety. I believed what others told me what and what not to do and that was my only reality.
LIFE WAS SO CHALLENGING! I didn't understand the concept of vulnerability until I read "Daring Greatly" which strengthened my courage & transformed my decision making. There are still moments today that challenge my sense of comfort all the time. Especially when my preferences are not met.
To explain further, my preference was to have a family and make many more living memories with Mykel, but when he passed away, I felt utter loneliness. Being able to see the experience differently with a sense of gratitude of blessing to be in his life at all, increased my sense of connection within myself as well as this new relationship with Mykel after his transition.
When I am triggered, activated, or in conflict, I sit in the observer seat. I notice my pain, emotions, thoughts & irrational decisions. I refrain from saying something I might regret later. Instead, I find a safe space to be alone to FEEL and breathe deeply exhaling with a loud sigh letting my body know that I am safe, I can relax. I can let down my defenses, my walls of protection and ask myself, "Where in my life have I been here before?"
I look for the patterns in my beliefs, habits and thoughts. Most of the time, it is something from my past that was ignored because I didn't have the guidance or understanding to deal with it at that time. Now I have compassion and self love tools to help me process, receive the wisdom and release any beliefs around the triggers that don't serve my highest good.
What an incredible journey so far...
How can you relate to these words that I'm sharing with you? Are you feeling resistance or resonance? Are you open to EXPLORE a new way to perceive life?
If you have made it this far in my blog, I'm honored that you took the time to listen. I would be honored if you let me know how my story has touched your heart.
